My Infertility Journey
Everyone has a story to tell. My goal as a photographer is to create beautiful images and connect with each and every person who steps in front of my lens. However, connection is a two-way street. How can I expect a person I’ve just met to reveal a part of themselves unless I do the same? So, today I’m sharing a little about my infertility journey.
Let me spoil the ending: It all worked out.
I have three amazing kids (who complain that I’m a “helicopter mom”) but it took a while to get there. I had to be patient and there were many tears along the way.
After my husband and I easily conceived our first baby, a son, I never imagined that we would have difficulty growing our family in the years ahead. When I had a miscarriage 2 years later I went through all the emotions - anger, shock, sadness. I thought, “I”m healthy! I love to exercise and I eat well!” Often there are no explanations for miscarriage and I was left feeling miserable.
When our daughter was born a year later I was elated and felt that our family was complete. Raising a 3-year-old and an infant was plenty to handle. Until of course…baby fever struck again two years later. I couldn’t quite ignore that quiet whisper that urged me to try one more time.
Over the next 5 years it was clear that we were struggling with infertility. I meticulously tracked my cycle, questioned everything I ate, if I was drinking too much coffee or if that glass of wine was to blame. Unless we opted for infertility treatments, there wasn’t much more my doctor could do about my inability to maintain a pregnancy. Three more (very early) miscarriages left me feeling like this was my new normal. I began expecting to miscarry, causing me to believe I could no longer have children.
Just as we decided to close the baby-making chapter of our lives and focus on being a family of 4, we conceived our third baby. I told my husband one evening at dinner and he nearly choked!
Our daughter has added immeasurable joy to our lives. The age gap between our older kids and the little one has made life even more interesting, and she has barely let us sleep through the night. I’m savoring these chaotic, happy, exhausting days. There is so much goodness in between. And now we are officially done!
Miscarriage and infertility has opened my eyes to what many others have gone through, and I’m grateful for the understanding that my experience has given me.
I hope that if you’ve had a similar journey that you’re able to find support, and to eventually find peace.
xo Lindsay